This past week I experienced that absolutely ‘flat’ feeling. That feeling that you feel when it feels like someone physically turned your ‘off’ button. Having to deal with a family member’s death and having had to fly to Johannesburg in support of the family definitely added in deflating my batteries.
The one moment I was feeling absolutely fine and the next I was like a floppy fish that was spat out on a riverbank not being able to breathe. Do you know that feeling?
I am still trying to figure out the how, why and when it came over me. All I know is for two days this week I found it hard to get back my get up and go, my mojo, my will to do things, my ‘lus’ to get out of bed even just wanting to pull the pillow over my head and pretend to have no life to return to!
The feeling has mostly passed as I sit here writing this but I can still feel a faint remnant lingering in the background.
I think I can pin it down to around midweek. I remember coming back from a cake and coffee date with freiinds and the next moment all my oomph just got up and go. I recall speaking to hubby on the phone and nearly bursting out in tears not being able to explain the how and why but just trying to get back home as fast as I can to crawl under my blankets and hide out for a bit.
Why do we get this ‘flat’ feeling? How does it descend so superfast that it’s almost unavoidable? I am an anxiety sufferer so perhaps it’s underlying anxiety? I am not really prone to depression or that’s what I would like to think. But it does scare the crap out of me that the one moment I can be all smiles and positive sunny rays shining out my backside and the next moment this dark gloomy cloud stifles my life and steals my happiness. And please before you preach. I did the ‘think positive vibes’, I played some loud music, I made sure to drive past the beach on the way back home as that always lifts my mood. Nothing worked.
Feeling introspective and sad all over as we are finalizing funeral arrangements, making myself useful designing the funeral flyer and just trying to be as supportive as humanly possible. Life has a funny way of changing on a whim and changing the mood with it. Being with the family and despite the sadness of a beloved’s death we have decided to seize the moment and make this week a week of love, laughter and togetherness as we mourn our brother in law’s passing. We make jokes, we laugh, we cry, we laugh some more. It’s hard but you know what, it is working. We are sad and it hurts to know that death is final and we did not get to say goodbye but we are comforted that we can spend this time together and make new memories to replace the sadness.
So on that note, let’s live in the moment, let’s cherish our loved ones, let’s grab every moment and make the most of every second. Live with the knowledge that you have woken up today and was given another chance at this thing called LIFE!
If you can relate to this I pass on lots of love and positive vibes and may the ‘flat’ feeling be beaten by focusing on the good, the beautiful and the worthy things in life.
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