Karolien – There's Life After Kids

#Mauritius - Doing The Expat Thing

Writers Block

Stumped for words or something to say are so not part of my demeanor that it’s been a bit of a shock for me to discover that I had a blog due this week and ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what I wanted to write about….did I say that in past tense? Well truth is I still have no idea!

Deadlines have forced me to my computer and I am now sitting here desperately hoping for the muse to appear which apparently is not going to happen…or not today in any case. 😉

So now I am thinking….what would you like to read about? Do I write about my week so far? Which has been crappy in more sense than one up to now. But I am keeping my eye on the ball….a soon to happen holiday in Mauritius to visit hubby who’s been away for more than two months and only returning from Mauritius mid April which feels like years away. 🙂

I have considered that it might be more than part of the reason why my muse is on holiday. Coping as a ‘single’ mom is surely not easy, not that it’s my first time as those who follow my blogs should know. I have lots of empathy for moms who go it alone because I totally believe that it’s one of the harder jobs in the world and without a proper support system in place it can be hell. I speak from experience!

One of the biggest problems are that we tend to think that we are alone and unique in the situation at the time which is such utter nonsense. When we are caught up in life and the stresses accompanying life we forget to look around us and see the other moms around us caught up in similar stresses.

How sad I always think as I was exactly the same when I was younger and often way too proud to ask for help or advice and perhaps a tad too stubborn as I was convinced I would be a lesser mom/person/daughter/friend/cook/mom/chief-cook-and-bottle-washer and now teacher for the past seven years.

As I grew older and at 40 I can only shake my head at my preconceived ideas and fears and just plain stupidity now realizing how much easier and smoother life could have been had I just taken off the blinkers and looked around me to notice that there we were, each and everyone of us so focused on life on our planet that we seldom noticed that we were not alone. At the time I was just focusing on being the best I could be but the sad part was that I never felt like ‘enough’.

#thestrugglewasreal #lifegotintheway #babies #house #toomanythings #stress

Not that I did not make any friends or acquaintances on the way, as a matter of fact I made quite a few. Some whom I have lost along the way and some that I still see on Facebook and a few that really go out of their way and I out of mine to make sure that the friendship does not die a quiet death.

The crux of the matter is that often our proudness or stubbornness stands in the way of us asking for assistance because these days it’s easier to google for information or frequent several ‘self-help’ groups on Facebook than to pick up the phone and phone a friend or acquaintance for help and advice. We trust and prefer computers over human contact and company as it allows us to wallow in our misery and not have to leave the house for anything. We can google medical advice, we can order food, clothes, toys, furniture and almost babies online too these days. We shy away though from meeting new people because it smacks of effort and quite frankly, I am tired of trying to keep up to ‘the Joneses’.

I am lucky now that my kids are grown and I am not so in need of those friends anymore but the truth is its easier to just use my kids as an excuse not to go out and do things and to rather do things with them than phoning and inviting a friend to go out. Why? I often feel with hubby away I don’t always want to ‘bother’ my friends when they are spending time with their families. I have a very select one or two friends whom I will visit when the whole family is together as I always feel in the way with hubby not home. So who am to blame if I feel alone and unloved.

Me, myself and I unfortunately. If you are going to sit around for the rest of your life waiting for people to come to you think again.  You might be in for a very long wait. People are selfish I have learnt, including myself in this statement. If you don’t get up from the couch and make the first move to reach out and invite people into your world you might just as well give up from the word go. best friend quotes (4)

Get up, make the call, send the invite, go for coffee, talk to the strange lady behind you or next to you in a queue at the school, bank or wherever. Good friends are few and far between and one thing I have learnt…they are found in the most unexpected places. Perhaps I will write about that next time. When the muse is back. ;)1}


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