Karolien – There's Life After Kids

#Mauritius - Doing The Expat Thing
Absent at my best friend’s wedding

Absent at my best friend’s wedding

If I haven’t felt homesick yet, I do today.

Today is my best friend’s wedding day, and guess what? I am not there. Nope instead I am on a rock in the middle of the ocean, miles and miles away.

Since finding out V was getting married I vowed this would be one wedding I wouldn’t miss. After all, how hard could it be? Taking into account at that point the wedding was still planned for November 2018 and our impending move to Mauritius not even on the cards yet.

However, plans change, decisions get made and weddings get rescheduled. My absolute disbelief once I realized that this wedding was happening with or without me was indescribable. I think a small part of me still believed a miracle would happen making it possible for me to attend my friend of the last 24 going on 25 years’ wedding. I was supposed to arrange her kitchen tea for Pete’s sake, the same kitchen tea, which I eventually didn’t even have the pleasure of being at since by that time I was already stuck on my rock.  So today; said ‘*rock’ is not my favorite place to be. I’m sulking big time. 🙄

After all, how many of us can cite friendships lasting 20 years or more these days? I am fortunate that I have a few, but V is the only few female friend survivor from my Matric year. The only one that still visits, still texts, still have a vested interest in my family and the other way round. Friends since 1994. That’s a while and typing that out it just made me feel really old!

We’ve been friends so long I struggle to think of a life pre-V. We attended our Matric Farewell together, we went out clubbing together, we even dated two brothers at the same time. Nevermind the fact that she was often out of the country, living in London for years as well as America for a while V was always just there. We’ve shared high days and holidays, trials and tribulations  over many glasses of wine and shared Mug & Bean meals and cake. ❤️

She was at my wedding, barefoot within the first half an hour. I wanted her to be my bridesmaid but we weren’t sure back then whether she would make it at all so another friend obliged. It didn’t matter to me, the most important part was, she was there. Unlike me, I am absent today at her big day. Yes, I know, I do go on about that a bit…

V was such a big part of our little family over the years. She was there when my kids were little, she was there when I had my miscarriage. She was there when our marriage went through an extremely rocky phase.

We celebrated my 40th together and when she turned 40 a month or so later I had so much fun making her a collage of pictures where she features with myself and the kids and with hubby in the picture as well. Truly like family.

At one point in the last few years we spent so much time together that when W came along my kids were actually annoyed by this strange man taking their Aunty V ‘away’ from us. It took a lot of getting used to not seeing my friend as the single, almost spinster at 41, suddenly in a blooming new relationship with a guy that we grew to know and love. Somewhere in my wedding video to the happy couple I mentioned how intimidating it must be for a guy to enter a new relationship and being surrounded with said girlfriend’s friends of the past 24 years.

Friendship that is so cemented that it will take a sledgehammer to destroy if even. Imagine years of inside jokes and familiarity and being closer than actual family at time. I take my hat off to W. He not only fit in, he gives as good as he gets every time and the four of us are now blessed to be creating new inside jokes and familiarity as two whole couples.

Then …

In 2017 we were not only overwhelmed with the news of a possible wedding on the horizon but also not long after, the news of V being pregnant and the birth of the cutest little baby boy. (V is known for doing things front to back most times so we did not find it too surprising! )

The apple of my eye, my kids will probably tell you they have shifted on the favorites scale when little C was born. haha Probably true, but then, you haven’t seen a cuter, friendlier baby ever I promise you!! Which brings me to another point, not only am I missing the wedding, I am missing seeing my favorite baba for a while and missing out on the pleasure of holding him and spending some time with him and the parentals.

So today I am going to sit on my rock, feel slightly sorry for myself, slightly homesick and very sad to be missing V’s special day and tonight I will celebrate her transition from Ms to Mrs with a glass of proudly South African red wine. I will take some comfort in the fact that at least I went wedding shoe shopping with her before leaving for Mauritius and that I know what her dress looks like. And tomorrow I will be very kind and let her lie in before badgering her for some wedding pics. :p

Cheers !





*read rock as Mauritius



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