Well? Am I turning into my mother? Would I want to know if I am? Is it necessarily a bad thing if I do change into a replica of her?
Why do we fear what normally is just part of life? I love my mother, why would I fear turning into a mini version of her? Because I do! Every time I open my mouth I can hear her voice in my head and I say the things she has said to me and my siblings over and over for years and years.
We often swore growing up that we will be NOTHING like our parents or well some do and some don’t. Love my parents to bits but there are times that I don’t understand their train of thought or way of doing things and I feel utterly confused, did they even raise me?
My next train of thought is, are my kids going to feel the same way? Do they feel the same way already? Well I did hear today that I take exactly after grandma and my son slipped up and said so do they, hehe. It was refreshing to hear him admit that the thought doesn’t seem to upset him too much.
I love my mother, I always have and always will. I have always admired her for the woman she is and has been and today looking back I am intensely grateful for the way she raised me. Strict but fair. She has always tried to look at a problem from a different angle and always gave me the benefit of the doubt even though I am sure she sometimes suspected differently. 🙂
My mother has always been there for me through thick and thin and although I have always tried to reciprocate I am not always sure that I managed the same. She often gave up something to make sure we had what we needed and always had some advice to calm the storm and heal the hurt.
So why if we admire them and love them so much, why are we scared of turning into a replica of them? I think the fear stems more out of fear of growing older, becoming more staid, more set in our ways, less flexible, worrying more, less brave and more confused as we muddle through the forest of life, not seeing the wood for the trees. I think we forget that once they were also young, also beautiful, also full of bravery and dreams and full of life. Things we forget because as they grow older they grow slower and more forgetful, maybe more quarrelsome, maybe scared you are embarrassed of their fading away.
In truth we should celebrate them, we should celebrate who they were and even who they still are as they are still our mothers, still there for us despite their growing older and weaker and less sure of themselves and the truth is….we are all walking down that road at some point in the feature not so distant as it feels.
We should celebrate the fact that we are still blessed to have them around as mothers, as grandmothers and still an important part of our community with all their knowledge and experience because it does indeed’ take a village to raise a child’. (quoting from Judy Dooley’s recent blog)
We need all the people we have in our life to help shape our children into decent adults and I am blessed to have my mother as one of those people, doesn’t matter whether we don’t see one another every day, she is there for me. she is there for my children and so I shall be there for her.
So instead of living in fear of turning into her I am going to celebrate being like my mother, a loving, caring, gentle, wise and strong woman whom carried me in her womb and took care of me for 18 years then loving me enough to let me loose watching me go and praying for me to soar. Which I did thanks to her and her love and caring. She turned me into whom I am so I won’t be afraid anymore. I will stand proud and carry on her legacy as my mother. I pray that my daughter will feel the same one day when she is a mother and look back on her relationship with me.
She is my mother now, forever and always. I have loved her all my life, I love her now and I will love her forever. Thank you mom for being my mom. I love you. <3
My mother in the front on the left with my baby sister(yes a very laat lammetjie hehe) behind her and my own daughter in the middle and I am right hand corner at the back. a cousin in front of me. 🙂 Let’s celebrate the women in our family as we all have a legacy to take forward.
#frail, #growingold, #losingconfidence, #lovemymother, #mother, #older, scared
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